“How did you get to your wedding night still a virgin?” I get asked that a lot. So I decided to write a blog about it! This is for all you out there who have decided to save “it” (winky winky) for the marriage bed. It’s a super practical guide on guarding the carnal treasure.
But first you should know I was SOOOOOOO not perfect and it was SOOOOOOO not easy! Not sleeping with the man of my dreams was seriously hard! I found my fiancé (now husband of nearly seven years) ridiculously HOT (hello, have you seen his guns?)! and everything inside of me was screaming, “just go with it!” But I am oh so grateful we didn’t (…just phew) and I could give him the gift of my entire heart, body & soul as we entered sweet matrimony.
Let’s get to the nitty gritty of hanging onto the big “v”.
1. MAKE A PLAN.
No one gets to his or her wedding night an accidental virgin! Everything in the world internally & externally is pulling you towards sexual activity. So if you want to save “it” for that special someone make a game plan homie!
If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else. ― Yogi Berra
What does that look like?
- An inward decision or conviction (most of the time invisible lines are more powerful than physical ones).
- Get around friends who will support and encourage your decision, not pressure you to fit in.
- Set boundaries when it comes to dating & physical intimacy.
- Avoid environments that make it super difficult to stand by your convictions (you know – parties, clubs, schools.)
- Watch what you put before your eyes, it starts in head far before it enters the bedroom.
- A purity ring. Whatevs.
2. RUN FROM THE LINE.
As a youth pastor my teenagers always wanna know how far they can go. My advice: run from that line for dear life dude! It’s like standing on the edge of a cliff. You don’t want to be lingering on the ledge hoping you don’t slip, you wanna pull it back as far as you can, because inevitably you will creep closer. Trust me! I may not have gone all the way but we toed the line a time or two.
3. NAUGHTY THINGS HAPPEN LATE AT NIGHT.
Things of a sexual nature tend to happen in the heat of the night not the cool of the day. Be a wise person and don’t hang out at 2am in the morning snuggling up under the covers. Don’t get horizontal. It’s pretty much down hill from there. Things get frisky when you’re horizontal. Don’t want to make a baby? Don’t sleep in the same bed. Spooning ALWAYS leads to… um other stuff.
4. WHEN YOU GO TOO FAR, FORGIVE YOURSELF. GET UP & START AGAIN.
Relationships are messy & keeping your virginity fully in tact in our sex-crazed culture is difficult. But you know what, God gets you! He knows your humanity, your weaknesses and your frailty. If you cross a boundary don’t beat yourself up. Don’t quit. Gods grace is always there for you! The key is repentance, which simply means to change your thinking, to do a u-turn. We all make mistakes (I made so many as a teenager & young adult trying to navigate through adolescence) But there’s a difference between a lifestyle and a mistake. Ask him for forgiveness, mean it, and just because you’ve been there once don’t make it a habit.
5. LISTEN TO ADVICE.
There’s a verse in the bible that says “Where there is no guidance, people fall, but in an abundance of counsellors there is safety.” When your parents, your youth pastors, or people you look up to give you advice, LISTEN TO THEM! Search out answers in the word. Read books about it (I read a book about relationships when I was 18 and it completely changed the projection of my life. I actually broke up with my boyfriend and made a commitment that the next guy I dated I would marry….and well, I did)! And Instead of just hearing it, apply it.
6. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF
Before you fall in love with someone else you need to fall in love with yourself. Two half people don’t make a whole. If you feel insecure and unwanted as a single person you’ll carry that into your relationship and you’ll do whatever it takes to feel loved and accepted. Most of the time for girls this means giving the guy the cookie just so he doesn’t bail. When you know who you are in God you don’t need someone else to tell you. When you understand that God has made you a whole person you will feel “complete” and confident in your own skin.
7. RELY ON HIS GRACE.
This should really be number one! Only by God’s grace can you make it to the altar with your virginity untouched. As important as all of these practical steps are, don’t trust in them, trust in Him! The more you get to really know God and His goodness, the more you are transformed into His image and you’ll want to walk in His light. No matter how much willpower you have, no matter what boundaries you set down, you actually can’t do it on your own, but you can do it with Him. I love that He trades our weakness for His strength.
But before I go, wherever you find yourself today, I just want you to know that God is personified. So whatever you have done it really doesn’t matter to Him. He is so good at turning our past mess into His message. So, if you want a fresh start you’ve come to the right place. Today can be your day.
Peace out. x