“No one stays a virgin until they get married!” That is what most people think. Holding onto the big V is kind of ridiculous in our sexually saturated culture. Well I take time out with 10 “Virgins” and ask them WHY they decided to guard the carnal treasure. Their answers will shock you.
Megan, married 12 years.
“For starters, waiting forced us to establish a relationship that was not solely built on lust (I’m not saying it was easy, but it can be done and is worth it.) We were able to get to know each other and see each other’s personality faults and strengths without the distraction of an intense sexual relationship. We were also able to decide (without guilt or feeling obligation) whether this person was the one we could actually LIVE with for the rest of our lives. Doing things God’s way I’ve noticed God has actually blessed us in this area. I’ve known so many couples who “fight” about sex and complain sex has lost its “spice” once they were married, while my husband and I have always felt very in tune and blessed in this area.”
Jenny, married 3 years
“I guess waiting just made everything new and exciting. It was all part of the marriage deal. We don’t have any fights or unspoken “baggage” about past relationships etc. Sex is something we’ve only experienced with each other so it’s really special.”
Kate, married 2 years.
“My decision to remain a virgin until my wedding night wasn’t based purely on being a Christian. I learned the benefits, the pros and cons, and I decided for myself that it was the best course of action. My relationship with my husband (who was also a virgin) is amazing. we don’t have anyone else to compare each other to, we don’t have guilt, regrets or shame. I am not comparing myself to other women or worrying about whether he will find someone else attractive or better than me, not only because he saved himself only for me – but also because he has great self-control and discipline to have done so in the first place.“
Tayla, married 3 months.
“Joshua was my first boyfriend and the only boy I’ve ever kissed. It was a powerful moment standing at the alter knowing we had waited to have sex just with each other. I’m thankful Joshua is the only man I’ve ever been with. I believe our marriage has started with a solid foundation of love and commitment.”
Marina, married 3 years.
“Remaining a virgin until I said “I do” definitely helped me avoid a huge amount of hurt I would have otherwise endured if I’d slept with all the guys I’d dated (there were a few!). Breaking up is hard enough without the added intimacy of sex.”
Mel, married 2 years.
“I didn’t want to be physically connected with any other man than my husband. This choice protected me immensely because sexual intimacy was hard for us in the beginning. It hurt, I felt embarrassed and inadequate. If I hadn’t of waited, I think emotionally I would have been so scarred because of what happened in our first year of marriage, but because it was in marriage, I felt safe, secure and loved no matter what! We could be open and honest knowing that we were committed to each other for life and things would only get better and better! Which they have!”
Elise, still a virgin.
“Saving sex until marriage may seem a bit shocking in this day and age but I’m OK with that. I’m waiting because I know when God creates something he never messes up but makes it with a purpose and a design. He created sex within marriage for our benefit. As difficult as waiting can sometimes be, it’s not a task because I know when I get married my husband and I will commit ourselves to each other alone; there won’t be any heartache and we will be able to enjoy the true purpose of sex.”
Kat, married 6 years
“I chose to save sex for marriage firstly because God’s way always turns out better. Secondly because I loved and respected my partner enough to give him my best (not what others have test driven and disrespected). Sex is intimate and my mind is focused on my husband alone (in my sex life and desires). He can trust me and knows my loyalty to him.”
I asked someone who has been married for over 22 years why she chose to stay a virgin until her wedding day. Her answer may shock you.
Stephanie, married 22 years.
“Here’s my honest answer. I waited because I knew it was the right thing to do, because it was one of the “big sins” that I certainly didn’t want to commit, because I was scared of what might happen if I did it, diseases, pregnancy, fear of going to hell etc! But I also waited because I wanted it to be special with the person I would spend my life with.”
Right now I just want to say all those years ago this beautiful woman had no revelation of God’s amazing grace and was afraid if she stepped out of line she would disappoint God and others.
This is not what she thinks TODAY and neither do I!
LISTEN BEAUTIFUL ONE.
Staying a virgin and valuing yourself and sexuality is NOT about winning brownie points with God and being some kind of super Christian (I must sound like a broken record, I know I have written that a million times but it’s true!).
It is about YOU and YOUR FUTURE. God always gives us boundaries to protect us and bless us! It’s about setting yourself up for a faithful, loyal, committed and dare I say incredibly HOT marriage. (Of course it is not the defining factor in whether you have a good relationship but it is a BIG contributor. What is a relationship without FAITHFULNESS!?)
My point is; God is not the “fun police” trying to cramp your style and steal your mojo. He is a good dad, one that wants the best for you! He wants you to HAVE GREAT SEX but in the way he has designed; between two people that don’t just love each others bodies, but embrace each others souls and make a promise to stick together on the good days and the bad.
Lucky last. She’s a little different. She WASN’T a VIRGIN on her wedding day.
Christie, married six years
“By the time I became a Christian (18 years old) I had already lost my virginity. Even without a Christian faith, I grieved the actions I had taken. It wasn’t a trusted relationship and in hindsight, it was a decision made out of my brokenness – a need for approval and love. I am thankful to God that He gives us opportunities for a new life!
I was single for six years before I started dating my now husband Nick. Given my past, we chose to make stronger boundaries. We kept our word on saving sex for marriage, possibly the strongest temptation a dating couple face. If we can keep our word on saving sex for marriage, we have proved to ourselves we possess the right disciplines to face many life challenges; to stay married for life, to stay faithful to one another, to work as a team, to overcome financial obstacles. “
It is NEVER TOO LATE to start again. NEVER. Today this girl has a wonderful husband, a great marriage and 2 gorgeous little boys. No matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done. God makes all things new, actually better than new.
Whether you are single, married, divorced. When you let God interject into your world he completely wipes away the past and gives you a fresh start. You can have the love life you’ve always dreamed of.
So dear girl, take courage. You are not alone. From those that have walked before you and those that walk alongside you. You’ve got this, and we’ve got your back. x