I’ve always been a dreamer. I was that tiny child that wanted to do great things and save the world. But somewhere along the line, my dreaming stopped.
At 12, I wanted to create a life-sized robot for a group project at school. I was laughed at and called crazy for thinking too big.
At 14, to be ‘cool’ meant you had to show no enthusiasm. I cared a little too much about what others thought of me, so I held a tight rein on what I expressed.
At 16, my boss told me that my happiness made her want to die. I was taught that dreaming too big was unrealistic, and no one likes a ‘happy clapper optimist’.
And so I capped them. My insecurity overflowed, as I screwed the lid on top of my dreams tighter than ever before. My precious, golden dreams became rusty, cloudy and worthless to me. I stopped dreaming. I stopped thinking big. I stopped being passionate. I stopped being enthusiastic. And I felt like I had next to no purpose. It was the dullest time in my life. I felt stagnant. I felt desensitised. I felt like my existence was pointless.
I didn’t know that in dreaming came hope, drive, and purpose. I didn’t know that until I read that Jesus will give you the desires – dreams – of your heart (Psalm 37:4). I realised that if Jesus is willing to give me the dreams of my heart, He was actually urging me to dream. He was urging me to think big, to be passionate about things and to have goals as big as the universe.
That’s when Jesus revived my senseless and hard heart, and I began to dream again. I began to have goals again. I began to have hope for the future again. I began to like life again!
that's when jesus gave me the dream to start smile seeker MOVEMENT. A Movement that imparts purpose into people, sparks passion in their hearts and inspires them to dream too.
Out of my dream for the Smile Seeker Movement came a strong and surging passion. I would blog until 2am most mornings. I would create graphics until late into the evening. It became my obsession. It was what I would only talk about, it was what I would not be able to sleep over, and it was the topic that consumed my mind.
It was a 10 feet tall, fiery flame that dominated the other areas of my life. It was a blazing fire until one morning I woke up to ashes. I didn’t want to work on blogging, creating graphics or maintain Instagram engagement anymore. It was as though overnight, a huge flood snuffed out the fire. I woke up, and it was unexplainable. I was confused as to why a passion so great would come to a dramatic stop.
Three months later and there was still no fire. I was upset, I thought I was back to square one where I had no dream, no drive and no passion again. I was about to shut down the Smile Seeker Movement, when Jesus intervened (how great is He?!).
As I cried out to Him in my confusion, my heart softened. I realised that my dream became an unhealthy obsession, though I had been oblivious the whole time. I learnt that too much of anything is unhealthy (expect Jesus haha).
"I learnt that dreaming big is great, but it's not great when it consumes every part of our hearts - especially that space meant only for Jesus christ, the true King."
I learnt that worshipping a dream more than worshipping Jesus is a rocky place to be in – and a mistake I don’t want to make again! I learnt that Jesus can gives us amazing dreams, but the moment they become and unhealthy obsession He can take them just as quick.
Jesus loves it when we dream, but He loves more when we are whole and secure. I learnt that a dream does not make a person whole, only He does. I encourage you to have a great passion for your dreams, but have a greater passion for Jesus.