CONFESSIONS OF A GIRL WHO STOPPED LOOKING FOR LOVE
Stop looking for love and not trusting God, instead serve Him, do what He has called you to do and He will BRING someone to you”.
That was the sermon that changed it all for me.
It was the beginning of my internship. One year to serve my church full-time and seek after God like I’ve never done before. It was also the end of an awkward and complicated relationship… or friendship with feelings?? Whatever it was, I knew God didn’t want me in it and I didn’t want to be out of it because it meant dealing with my loneliness, insecurities and lack of identity.
Fine Lord, I’m going to respond to this message, have it your way. This year I’m not about looking for love, I give you this year and I give you my singleness, If you want me to grow old on my own and become a cat lady then that’s fine, I’ll do it worshipping you.
So that was it, one year of no boys and no dating - It’s all yours, God.
God did a work in my heart that year, I was brought back to a place of intimacy with Jesus and a closeness that I’d been longing for with my Saviour. There was no more desperation to be in an unhealthy relationship with a man who I’m not going to marry, no more loneliness and no lack of identity. He repaired my broken heart, took away all my emotional baggage, spoke to me about the woman He has called me to be and I found my identity in Him. I was living in the call of God and loving every moment of it.
Fast forward 10 months and I’m packing up after youth with a bunch of the other youth leaders. One of the youth leaders approaches me and starts talking to me and it quickly gets awkward.
First off, let me give you a bit of back story about Chris. My earliest memory of him is when our family started coming to this church, I was 10 and he threw a skate board at my head and I made a pact with myself to avoid this out-of-control child at all costs. So when we were both on youth leadership together I stayed true to my pact and continued having as little to do with this guy as I could. Most of the girls at church had a crush on him and took every opportunity to flirt with him. I was not one of them, when someone throws a skate board at your head, it takes awhile to move past it...
“So I have to talk to you about something *nervous glances* I really like you, like I have feelings for you.”
*blank stare* *flashing images of skateboards flying at my head*
I’m thinking of what to say to not offend old mate.
“Uh, well let's just be friends and see how that goes”.
We leave things there and I walk away beyond confused; Lord, that was really left field, you should probably explain yourself.
I felt God’s small voice, “Amanda, give him a chance.”
I decide to approach this carefully, you see, I’m a different woman then I was at the beginning of the year. I know who and whose I am, I don’t need validation, affirmation or attention from a relationship. I don’t want games and I’m not about wasting my time BUT I’ll give the friends thing a go. He’s your son Lord, so I’ll set up Godly boundaries in our friendship so that neither of us get hurt.
I graduated from my internship a single woman NOT looking for love. I stayed true to what I said I would do. No boys, no dating. Serving God, right where He wanted me to be.
January came around and the skateboard-wielding man of God asked me on a date. By this stage we had become good friends and I learnt that there was a lot more to him that I didn’t know about. I saw his heart for God and his passion for life, he shared with me the dreams that God has given him and his desire to be married and have a family.
When we were on our date I remember asking him when was the moment that he realised he liked me, his answer I’ll never forget.
“It was that time that you were preaching at youth, I saw you differently from that point on.”
I was reminded again;
“Stop looking for love and not trusting God, instead serve him, do what he has called you to do and he will BRING someone to you”
Later on our date he told me he will marry me, and 3.5 years later he did. I stopped looking for love and started trusting God. God gave me a beautiful man who not only is an incredible husband but an awesome father who leads our family well. The best part is, I didn’t look for him, God brought him to me.
Image credit: Blue Photography