CONFESSIONS OF A WOMAN WHO DISCOVERED GOD'S DELAY, WASN'T GOD'S DENIAL.

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I wasn’t allowed to date in high school because my parents wanted me to wait until I graduated. It seemed a bit old fashioned to me and no one else I knew had to wait, but it didn’t bother me too much. I just assumed that I would start dating an ‘amazing guy’ straight out of school and be married by 21, like my Mum was.

Little did I know, when I graduated high school in 2007, the waiting had just begun and that I would wait almost 8 year (until I was 25) for that ‘amazing guy’ to come along.

As the years went by, there were great guys that I wanted to date and great guys that expressed interest in me, but every time I was missing one big thing - peace. So I waited.

The older I got, the more that well-meaning friends and mentors told me to ‘just say yes’, ‘don’t wait forever’ and to ‘just give it a go’ with different guys, but I always had this sense of unease when it came time to actually entering a relationship.

So I kept waiting.

In Colossians 3:15 it talks about the peace of God ruling in our hearts, or in some translations, it refers to peace being our guide and umpire.

I love the picture of letting peace, or the lack thereof, be the thing that steers us and lets us know when we’re out of bounds.

So often we know when we lack peace, but we come up with a multitude of reasons to ignore it. After plenty of hits and misses over the years in all areas of my life, I know that peace all too well and have learnt to trust its presence or lack there of, even when I don’t understand.

After a few more years of waiting, my love story started in 2013 when I went to a young adults conference with a friend and heard a Pastor named Julian preach. He was hilarious, impacting and very good looking, so when I found out he was single, I was very  interested. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wanted to get to know this guy, but we went to different churches and lived in different cities.

So again, here i am. waiting.

A few months went by, then I had the opportunity to meet him at an event and after a good chat, I knew for sure that I wanted to get to know him better. More months passed and I didn’t see him again, so I prayed about it. I didn’t lack peace about the idea of getting to know him, but every time I tried to come up with ways to see him again, I lost my peace and felt God tell me to pause.

‘Wait’ was starting to feel a lot like God’s way of saying ‘no’, so I resigned to the fact that because I wasn’t able to make it happen, I probably wouldn’t get to know this guy. So I stopped trying yo make it happen, and became comfortable in the middle.

Then one Friday evening in December 2014 I was at a basketball game with my family and over 10,000 other people, when I randomly ran into Julian. We got chatting in the foyer of the Perth Arena and at the end of our conversation, he asked for my number and if I wanted to catch up with him for a coffee.

For the first time in my life, I felt an incredible peace about pursuing a relationship with a guy. I was so used to losing my “peace” when I thought about entering a relationship, that I kept looking for the ‘umpire’ to call foul, but all I had was a peace about Julian.

Fourteen months after that basketball game, we were married. As I walked down the aisle on my wedding day, I was so thankful that I let peace (and the HOLY SPIRIT Spirit) guide me to Julian.

For years it felt like my umpire of peace was causing me to miss out on what looked like great relationships and killing my fun, but as I look back, I can see that waiting protected me from unnecessary heartache and baggage along the way.

While I don’t believe there was only one person that I could have had God’s blessing to date and marry, I do believe that Julian is God’s best for me. He is an incredible leader, a faithful husband, and a an amazing dad to our little girl - Ruby grace.

Because I learned to listen to that peace, at the age of 25, Julian who was my first ever boyfriend, the first hand I ever held, the lips I ever kissed and on our wedding night, the first man I slept with.

Because I learned to listen to that peace, even when we had what felt like irreconcilable differences in our dating relationship, I knew that this was a relationship worth fighting for.

That peace didn’t just help me wait for my husband though, it continues to help me wait on God as He outworks His will everyday in my life. So, I have learnt to be led by that peace and if it’s not there, I just keep waiting.


By Cassie Kirtisingham

Cassie a brilliant Leader & Youth Communicator. She is the Founder of IZRA, an organisation that equips students with purpose and strength through School based workshops. She is married to Julian and mum to Ruby-grace.