CONFESSIONS OF GIRL WHO LET DOWN HER WALLS
You could say I was a bit of a late bloomer in the boys department! Once I hit grade 10 I must have suddenly physically changed. Older guys started noticing me and asking me out. When I finished high-school I quickly got into a relationship with a guy I didn't have anything in common with. Of course that ended badly and I went on to fall madly (or so I thought) in love with someone else almost immediately after the other had fizzled. He was what I had always imagined. A musician, loved Jesus and had a lovely family. Things progressed very fast and when he broke up with me out of the blue 9 months later, I thought the world was ending. I had never felt pain on this level in my entire life! So began the road to recovery, giving my all to God and not missing any church event or the chance to be touched my Jesus. I knew He could heal my broken heart, and the only place I could run to was Him.
Along that healing journey, I met a guy who took a genuine interest in me and everything about me. I'd never felt this kind of security from a guy, who I know didn't have any ulterior motives. I could tell he knew I was healing and he fully supported that. We became great friends and I learnt to trust him, and men in general again. Once I knew he was interested in me, I told him I was ready to commit to him, even though deep down I was still broken. After nearly a year of dating, I ended our relationship. I felt devastated that I had broken it off with such an amazing guy. I knew I still wasn't ready to commit as I was still healing. He was heart broken but did his best to understand and move on. We didn't speak for 12 weeks. During this time I hit rock bottom, pouring my heart out to God, begging Him to make me whole again. I didn't even consider having a boyfriend again, I just wanted to give my all to God!
We'd spoken a couple times over text and when I'd profusely apologise for my inability to love, he would only be kind and respectful back. I remember being surprised by his responses every time when I didn't feel attacked. Then one night we bumped in to each other and decided to get dinner together. I felt an ease when speaking with him that I'd never felt before. I remember him being slightly guarded but glad to be in my company. We stayed out nearly all night talking and just walking the streets of New Farm after everything had closed. We didn't even hold hands, though I wanted to kiss him so much. I felt myself falling in love with him for real. I just had so much respect for him, not bad mouthing me but choosing to respect the place I was in.
By him showing me the respect and space I deserved, he showed me that he didn't NEED me in a desperate sense. He didn't need a girl on his side to tick a box for him to feel like a man. He had God and God was enough for him. The need that he had for me was a genuine love and desire.
he loved me and everything about me! that gave me so much freedom. i let my walls down and feel deeply in love with the man i chose to marry 18 months later.
We've been married 6 years this year and have two beautiful little boys.
Young person, be wise about who you enter relationships with. A simple emotional attachment can cause so much damage to you and others. How incredible would it be to just enter into a relationship and marriage with no baggage! It's possible! I know many who have only been with their spouse and it makes life so much simpler, how God designed it to be! Save yourself for the person who loves and respects you more than any other person! Xx
By Jasmine Lewis
Jasmine along side her husband Chardon are the Young Adults Pastors of Citipointe Brisbane. She is a gifted leader, a graced communicator and a loving mother of two scrumptious boys, Hunter duke & Knox Archibald.