"Hi Sabrina. First of all thanks for your website! It's fantastic the way you approach young people about issues of importance. My name is Melanie. I've recently started my journey as a Christian. I haven't had much exposure before I started investigating a few months ago. All I can say is I love Jesus! I've found a good church in Cairns and I'm starting to really come into faith. My problem is that I've been seeing the love of my life for three years now, and he is not a believer. He's been very supportive of me developing my faith. We've had sex. Numerous times. I think he's concerned that we'll stop due to my now Christian beliefs. And I see that sex outside of marriage is classified as a sin. How do I reconcile both parts of myself? I want to keep being intimate with him the way I have been before discovering Jesus. I simply can't shy away from my boyfriend after three years! But I can't shy away from the word of Jesus either. Help! What are your thoughts?" Melanie.


"Hey Melanie,

Firstly so glad you've opened your heart up to God! Like I said in my earlier email it's the best choice you will ever make. No matter what you face in life you've got a hope in Jesus and an anchor for your soul. Ok. So this is a pretty tricky situation. Let me attempt give you a few little bits of wisdom. Key word attempt. 

I get that you don't want to just leave you BF high and dry when it comes to all the physical stuff because that's what he's use to.....but even though you are in love and have been together a while doesn't change the fact Gods design for a sexual relationship is in the context of marriage. 

For your benefit, not his. ;) I'm sure your guy is super nice and it might not make sense to just stop sleeping together, but trust me I've had heaps of friends that have slept together then they became Christians....and stopped. Then gotten married and started again haha.

I hate to say but you kind of need to choose God or the guy. Which is hard! Because from the sounds of it he's a pretty massive part of your life. It's also tricky because it would be different if your boyfriend was a Christian too, then you would both be on the same page. 

I guess from a Christian stand point. It's not the best thing for you to continue to sleep with your dude. It may keep you together for now and avoid any confrontation or hurt but it's going against Gods design for sex and I think deep down in your gut you'll know it's wrong. God never ever condemns us but he does speak to use gently about our behaviour ;) I actually talk heaps about the fact that sex is a spiritual, emotional and psychological connection not just a physical one in my latest book. Sexbusters. 

I'd encourage you to have a read so that you understand WHY behind not sleeping together. I'm really not sure if I've helped you in any way lol. You just need to know that God meets you were you are at. So where ever you find yourself right now he's with you and so willing to just keep walking this journey out.

Much love.


Sabrina is a Christian writer, an avid Sex & Relationships blogger and part of the team at Kingdomcity. She is married to Ben and mother to Liberty & Lincoln.