"Hey I'm Elise. I grew up in a Christian home but i was surrounded by a lot of older cousins and family friends that would have children before marriage. From the age of around 12 I had the mind set that I would lose my virginty to someone that I love and it shouldn't matter if it was before marriage. I'm now 16, I have a boyfriend that I've been dating for 2 years (but we've been best friends for 4 years). Last year we decided to have sex for the first time, after that we didn't want to do it until we were older but this year we're constantly doing it. I feel dirty and ashamed because of it. My boyfriend is so special to me that I don't want to do it anymore and I want to stop so that on my wedding night it will be special. I've talk to my boyfriend about stopping and he agrees but when we're alone things get heated and it's hard to say no. I just need advice on how to stop it before it gets heated or how to say no. Thank you and you're doing such a great job."


Hey Elise! 

Brilliant question. I’ve had lots of friends and know lots of girls in similar situations. The truth is once you’ve crossed the line it’s pretty easy to keep doing it. Is it impossible no!! Just a little bit more difficult. ;)

From the offset you do need to know, that God never wants you to walk around feeling condemned. Jesus took all of our guilt and shame on the cross. That’s the beauty of Jesus. He takes our sin and gives us purity. He covers us and calls us righteous. But are there certain behaviours in our life that can be damaging. Yes. Are their certain choices that can hurt us and our relationships yes. So remember Gods love is CONSTANT. (Despite whether you sleep with your boyfriend on not) Is it Gods best. No.

Firstly it doesn’t matter how much you love each other. You don’t belong to each other. There’s no way to guarantee that you will stay together. So you could potentially be sleeping with another womans future husband and vice versa. 

That’s when things really get messy after people have been sleeping together and then they break up. Can you imagine how you would feel if in 6 months you guys split? I have literally had dozens of girls crying in my arms, because they thought there were going to be with a guy, gave him everything then he walked away. It can case a lot of heartache, loss and anguish when that happens. That’s why it is worth protecting. You are worth protecting. 

So I guess here’s a few practical tips that might help you doll.

- Get a revelation of Gods goodness. When you understand that He does everything for our benefit it becomes a lot easier to trust Him.
- Don’t hang out late at night. Don’t sleep over each others house. 
- Avoid places were you’ve done it before. 
- I think you need to tell someone. I know that might be difficult but when you bring things out of the darkness into the light they lose it’s power (Don’t try and do this alone).
- Make a plan.
- Avoid any kind of alcohol/substance that dulls your inhibitions.

Much love. Just so you know the struggle is real! And it doesn’t matter what we do God can heal any hurt and use it to teach us about His grace. x


Sabrina is a Christian writer, an avid Sex & Relationships blogger and part of the team at Kingdomcity. She is married to Ben and mother to Liberty & Lincoln.