WARNING GRAPHIC CONTENT: OVER 15+ ADVISED
I was adopted out at birth, my birth mother told my dad she was going to keep me but had no intentions to, and gave me up before he knew I'd been born. My life was one filled with uncertainty of what was going to happen next. I remember at around the age of 4-5 being sold to my fathers friend. I don't recall many specific memories of what happened when my dad walked left me with one particular man, but I do remember hating being anywhere near him after that. I know I was scared of him as well.
I was touched, shamed and mentally abused by an array of people that came to visit our house on a regular basis, I was made to stand naked in the lounge room while my mum waited on the visitors that sat around. If I tried to hide the parts of my body that were being looked at I'd be yelled at and told to put my arms by my side. I have vivid memories of being molested by a woman when I was about 7. I had at times asked my dad why he adopted me, he said because I was a girl and had blue eyes. I always had a sense that there had to be something more, I new I had an amazing ability to love. I had an uncanny knack with animals, I just adored them, but didn't have a lot of care for people.
The sexual abuse wasn't just at home, as I got older and I stayed at friend's houses I was touched and approached by their fathers as well. It seemed any interest shown towards me was sexual. I started drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana at 11-12. I had my first injection of heroin at 15 years old, it took away any feelings, just totally numbed me. I loved it. It didn't happen straight away but my life became a process of hunting down the drug. I believed I was defective and of no worth or value at all.
I was in abusive relationships where I was bashed literally black and blue, I was raped, tied up and held captive in a room, bashed and sodomised for a period of a couple of days. Every circumstance I found myself in yelled louder how useless, ugly and unlovable I was, as I'm writing this I'm nearly in tears just remembering the hopelessness and despair I felt. I was suicidal and homicidal, I was filled with so much hate and self-loathing, anything good about me was dead or had been stolen from me long before I could even stop it. I don't think or feel that way anymore though, I was 40+ years old living on the street and selling my body to strangers for sex on the street corners to get the money I needed for my heroin addiction.
Until one day I found Jesus, or should I say He found me.
Some beautiful people intervened and showed me there was hope, and I had worth and value. It has been a process of identifying the lies I've believed about myself based on my experiences, and replacing the false beliefs with the truth, the truth of how God sees me. He says I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, that I am beautiful and there is no blemish in me. I'm loved and precious. Wow, really God, me? Yes you, my beloved.
Recently I had an encounter with God that totally changed my perspective about purity. At times I think it would be nice to meet someone and get married, however I think of the wedding night and totally shut down, I was feeling that one day and started crying I said to God " this'll never happen will it God, I feel so damaged in the area of intimacy and sex that it couldn't possibly happen" God reminded me then that Im a new creation, he said every part of you is new, it was an absolute revelation, I'm born again, meaning never been touched, it was the most incredible encounter I've ever had, he then reminded me of how scared I'd been the first time I'd had consensual sex, and so the fear I had regarding the wedding night I'd think about was completely normal for a virgin bride. I know I am completely whole and restored, I love my life today and love who I am. What the enemy intended for harm, God turned around for good, for the saving of many lives.
True Story of Kim Den Hertog, a prostitute whose life changed when she found Jesus.
Kim has been clean for six years and is a case manager at the Transformations rehabilitation centre in Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast, Queensland. She has also kick-started the 'Flawless Women' ministry which involves a Valentine's Day Pamper Day for other drug addicts and sex workers to help them feel worthy and beautiful.