Now that I have your attention! (and possibly your disappointment because you were expecting a bunch of kamasutra style diagrams, sorry guys) Let’s explore what really makes for a great sex life.
Written By Garry Mac, Senior Pastor METRO Church.
FOR THE MEN.
Position 1: The hand hold
Affection is a basic need of everyone, but especially women. During the date phase, men can show a lot of affection which can sadly vanish down the track. Learn the power of the hug without the grope and you will do well, my son. Hold her hand even if it isn’t your thing. Walk beside her not three steps in front of her. Write a romantically worded card and tell her how you feel about her, give her flowers, gifts or just a reassuring hug. Be aware of your wife’s need for affection and honour her by meeting that need.
Position 2: The tongue to ear ratio
Sex is all about intimacy. Intimacy thrives in an atmosphere of real communication. When men talk, it’s usually about finding a solution. For women, talking is more about the expressing and sharing of emotions and releasing their feelings. It is vital that men learn to understand this difference and therefore communicate and relate differently when talking with their loved one. This alone will have a phenomenal impact on your sex life. Bridging this gap creates a depth of intimacy which eludes many couples. Remember, the biblical goal of sex is oneness: “They shall become one flesh.”
Position 3: The credit card handover
The top two reasons cited for divorce are money and sex. Sadly, the former often greatly compounds the latter. Although many strong marriages see finances handled by the female, a woman’s natural God given hardwiring as a nurturer can mean that financial instability can be particularly unsettling. On the other hand, financial stability brings with it a sense of trust and helps a woman to feel safe. Jesus said, “If you can’t handle money, you won’t be able to handle the real riches,” (paraphrase). The greatest treasure any real man has in his life, outside of his relationship with God, is his wife, and so good financial stewardship will ultimately lead to being a better steward of your marriage. It is amazing just how powerfully this area can lead to better sex.
Position 4: The kid wrestle
There is a basic need in a female to know that her husband is a good father. She wants to see fathering in action, that her kids are receiving healthy input and role modelling from the father. This results in a great home environment, allowing her to have that sense of security and peace. This too helps things flow in the bedroom.
FOR THE WOMEN
Position 5: The basic lunge
No self-respecting guy who loves his wife wants to beg for sex, even when he desperately wants it. There is often a huge battle going on inside a man between his desire not to pressure his wife and the pressure inside his body for sex. If he isn’t saying anything and he is not a happy hubby, the problem is often a simple need for sex. Sadly, many men turn to pornography as a way out of this dilemma, but this only widens the gap between husband and wife. Be the one to initiate sex regularly, and positions 1 – 4 will tend to flow more freely, which will ultimately make sex better for you. It’s circular!
Position 6: The Xbox console hold
Guys want girls to be interested in and enjoy the things they enjoy. It’s about being his mate and having fun together. It’s about being best friends. If you don’t participate in this position, then he will definitely find someone else to share his interests with. This means you ultimately miss out on the opportunity to communicate with him at a great level about the things he is passionate about. It is one thing to say, “He never wants to hold my hand,” and yet when was the last time you got into one of the activities that he loves?
Position 7: The razor blade grip
Once a man has been caught – dated, engaged and married – don’t let yourself go. It’s not just about honouring each other as partners; it’s also about staying healthy and keeping your man mesmerised with the babe he fell in love with. Men can be very susceptible to having their heads turned by good looks, so keep your man’s head turned by good looks, so keep your man’s head turned your way. It’s how they are hardwired; he wants a good-looking wife. Shave your legs, get your hair done and dress to kill for him.
What the ladies and the men both need to remember!
Position 8: The mop and bucket
This is not “Leave it to Beaver” 1950s gender role stuff. Every home has a unique equilibrium and it is vital to identify who does what around the house and respect that the little things make a big difference. Identify habits that cause unhappiness and learn to overcome these habits. Again, this is a two-way street, it’s a partnership; it’s about strengthening a relationship. Too many people are just plain frustrated with their partner’s lack of effort in and around the house and it kills a sex life.
Position 9: The cheerleader
People flourish in an environment of encouragement. Sex is not rocket science, but getting the most out of it can take time to relax into. Sex is the most vulnerable activity in life and so it is very easy to make someone feel inadequate at a core level by discouraging them over sex. This is why God ordained that sex be reserved inside the boundaries of a life-long commitment. It gives people time to work it out in the safety of a loving and encouraging environment. Many men and women struggle in areas of sexuality and yet as long as there is encouragement they will figure it out together. Never make jokes at your partner’s expense. Never put them down sexually. Cheer them on and watch it just get better and better.
Position 10: The missionary
Sex as it was intended is more than just physical, more than just emotional – it incorporates the spiritual component. God wants ‘in’ on your sex life just like every other area of life. It is most definitely not a silly thing to pray for great sex. God made it to be the most pleasurable part of life, a reflection of our relationship with Him. God is not anti-sex. On the contrary, in fact, He is pro-sex. It was, after all, His idea! One of His best, might I add!
- Garry Mac