Have you ever tried to walk somewhere blindfolded? It's a pretty awkward experience. It's disorientating and uncomfortable. I personally hate it! I'm a total control freak by nature and struggle with the unknown (big time)! Unfortunately, life is often like that and the christian walk is marked by steps of faith. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not yet seen.
faith means believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse.
This year my husband and I took our own "step of faith" and left our "nest". We said goodbye to a church we had been a part of and pastored in for nearly a decade. We left all natural family, close friends and every sense of comfort and stability. I'd be lying if I didn't say it has been one of the most uncomfortable and isolating experiences of my life thus far.
I find myself on a roller coast of emotions - grieving over the loss of deep friendships, yearning for the familiarity of family (both Church and natural) and aching for that sense of belonging I once took for granted. My conviction has been tested and, at times, my resolved weakened. I find myself asking questions I never thought I would.
But through this journey of complete surrender I've had moments with Jesus that have been like no other.
I recall praying one day, kind of trying to psych myself up I guess.
"Don't worry Sabrina, you've got this. It's going to be great. You can do it. Who needs friends? Or family? Who needs to know their future and where there kids might grow up? Again I uttered the words to myself, YOU'VE GOT THIS."
Only to be interrupted by a still small voice.
"No you don't".
"Huh"? I paused a little confused at the response I felt.
The voice went on, "Sabrina, you don't have this. I have you."
Wow... Silence. Tears. Lots of tears. And He continued.
"You don't have anything, I've got you! I've got your family! And your kids! I've got your dreams! Your church, your future!
So let me be God.
Some of you need to hear that today. He has got you. He sees you. He has not left you wandering. Be still and hear His voice.
Let this verse resonate with your soul.
"Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart, rely on him to guide you, and he will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with him in whatever you do, and he will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with him whatever you do, and he will lead you wherever you go. Don't think for a moment you know it all, for wisdom comes when you adore him with awe and wonder and avoid everything that's wrong."
- Proverbs 3:5-6.
So here I am, out of the boat, in the deep unknown. A complete blank page seeking God for the next step. Feeling a little blind, a little disorientated, a little desperate for some details, ha! But every time my emotions overwhelm me and I feel the sting of isolation, I am reminded that He didn't call me here to leave. He doesn't say step out, to watch us sink.
I don't need all the details, He is the architect of my destiny.
I don't need to be strong, He is the rock on which I stand.
I don't need to fear, He has never let me down and He won't start now.
I don't need to see, I just need to hold on to Him as he continues to lead me in peace.