CONFESSIONS OF A SINGLE MUM WHO FOUND HOPE, HEALING AND HAPPINESS
When I was 18 I met a boy, he consumed me. He was the one all the girls wanted and I felt so lucky to have been the chosen by him. There were so many red flags but I naively pursued this relationship further and further in the fear that if I didn’t, I would lose out on love all together (these are the thoughts of an immature teen).
Fast forward a few years, I was pregnant and heading to the altar, fixated on what I thought marriage and life would look like.
Well it didn’t take long for the unravelling to begin. Take a weak foundation, a new born baby and two young people still trying to find their feet in life and you’ve got one heck of a hot mess. We loved each other passionately and I think deep down really wanted it to work, but the emotional baggage and deep disfunction quickly rose to the surface. I felt like I worked tirelessly to keep it all together, to cover the secrets and mask my pain, but eventually the truth came out. My perfect husband, wasn’t so perfect after all. He was drowning in his own brokenness and addiction and infidelity quickly became his medication of choice.
I felt like someone knocked the breath right out of my lungs. My soul felt empty, heartbroken, undone. That was the end of my ‘happily ever after’.
I remember lying on my bed, with my daughter asleep in the next room, crying so much I could barely get a breathe in. When I reflect, these were the most deep and painful cries I have ever prayed.
When you place your identity in someone, and they leave, you feel you have nothing, you are nothing.
Despite my mistakes and poor choices, I always knew God loved me and had a plan for me so I continued to pray and follow after Him. I turned up to Church every week and attended connect group. I did everything I could to keep my head from sinking beneath the waves of grief that raged around me.
“God became my rock and His presence in my life became my greatest weapon. It’s funny how God can use the darkest trial of your life to show you just how kind and good really He is”
In that season, I learnt the most crucial lesson I possibly could. I learnt to rely solely on God. For him to be my source of identity, security, SATISFACTION and strength.
I became a Youth Leader at Church, I ran a connect group, I studied a degree full time and worked part time while raising my daughter as a solo mum. Many people would look at my life and be astounded at how I could carry it all and do it well. But I knew it wasn’t me. It was His grace that carried me through every day. I knew my healing and wholeness was a direct product of being obedient, and handing it all over to God to deal with, because I certainly didn’t have it in me to figure it out.
Although, I DO remember wondering who would date a girl with a three-year-old? WelL, along came my now husband. He is my promise, my double portion and the most selfless husband and father.
I was scared to fall in love again because I didn’t want to lose the closeness I had with God. God had become enough for me. He had become my everything.
But, I tell you what, it is so easy to fall in love with a man when he also puts God first. There’s no competition for my attention, or question of his loyalty to me, it’s always God first, and us second.
God is good to restore double to those who are faithful and he will restore everything that was taken from you. My advice to you young person, is wait! Don’t settle for someone just because they are the cool, funny or good looking.
Attraction and humour are important, but neither of them provide stability emotionally, spiritually or financially.
When you see a red flag, run! I’m not being dramatic, (I know from experience) it’s so much easier to let go and deal with the temporary pain of a break-up, then severe the precious covenant of marriage and spend years untangling the emotional, spiritual and physical ties that bond you together. Yes, it will hurt in the short term, but trust me the wrong person is never worth the pain they’ll cause you, but the right one is always worth the wait. And, for all those who’ve experienced heartache or disappointment, know this - He is close to the broken hearted and He’s not just the God of the second chance, He’s a God of new beginnings.