Q & A: WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL WITH DATING A NON-CHRISTIAN?
QUESTION: "WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL WITH DATING A NON-CHRISTIAN?"
"Hey Sabrina,
One of my Facebook friends shared your latest video and it popped up in my newsfeed. I watched it and then it led me to your website. I absolutely love your page and everything it stands for! It feels like an answer to my prayers.
I was wondering if I you could give me some advice. I have grown up in a very strong Christian family and go to Church every Sunday. I have been blessed with both my parents loving God and setting the example for me. I am going through a struggle at the moment in my personal life. I have been dating a lovely guy for 9 months, we had been friends from school for a long time. I held off from dating him for about 2 years because I was aware of the fact that he wasn’t a Christian. I finally gave in to him, but I told him from the beginning I was a Christian and did not have sex before marriage. He is a great guy, motivated, sweet, gets a long with my family, literally the perfect guy, except for one thing. He's not a Christian. I am ashamed to say we have done more than just kissing, actually practically everything but sex, which I am still firm on. He is open to the idea of coming to Church and what not and knows that I wouldn’t marry him unless he had a strong relationship with God (we are only 18 though so we definitely aren’t thinking about that yet though)!
I feel like the God has led me to your page to receives some answers and I was wondering what you would do if you were in my shoes?
answer:
"Hey Sam,
Thanks so much for your message babe. It's a bit of sticky situation you're in and I feel for you girl, but I'm going to 100% honest with you. If I were in your shoes I would seriously consider re-evaluating your relationship status or at least take a good hard look at what it's built on. If it's not Jesus, what is it? Attraction, love, lust, loneliness? Asking yourself the hard questions isn't easy, but it's worth it. Will your heart ache and your emotions sting if you did call it quits? Most definitely. But Gods ways always lead to the most out of life and a little bit of pain now, can save a whole lot of heartache later. You've got to remember right now it's only dating, what happens if you get married, have kids and build an entire life together. There's so much more at stake the more commitment you become to each other.
There were times when I was in high-school where I followed every impulse and dated whoever I had feelings for. Many times that was with guys who were not Christians and it never ended well.
we weren't just on different pages, we were reading completely different books.
Let me break it down for you. The person that you date and hopefully go on to marry will have a significant impact on your life (if not the most significant). You don't want to join yourself, spiritually, physically, emotionally, psychologically with someone who does not hold the same fundamental beliefs, values, convictions and SPIRIT as you do. Now this isn't just my opinion either, the bible addresses this subject pretty clearly.
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and lawlessness have in common? And what fellowship does light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14.
Does that mean that people who aren't Christians are bad or evil? Absolutely not! Seriously some of the most amazing, kind and compassionate people I know aren't Christians. This has nothing to do with an exclusive "christian only club" and everything to do with YOU aligning the most important relationship of your life with someone who will enhance your walk with God and not hinder it.
We can still love generously, live openly and be friends with everyone, but when it comes to choosing a boyfriend it's so important that he's more than just a good person you think is cute, he is someone who has committed His life to following Christ the way you have.
As John Piper so eloquently says, “Marriage exists ultimately to display the covenant-keeping love between Christ and His church. If you are married, that is why you’re married. If you hope to be, that should be your dream."
You can’t follow Jesus with all (key word, all) your heart and hook up with someone going in the opposite direction. Time & time again I have seen young girls choose guys who aren't Christians and more often than not it leads them away from God, Church and anyone connected to it. Don't learn that the hard way. It may be fun in the short term, but it's not worth aborting the plans and purposes God has for you.
Do people change? Yes totally. Could your bf become a Christian? Potentially. That would be my sincere hope and prayer.
but you don't date him for who he might be, you date him for who he is now.
There are of course exceptions to the rule. I know a few couples who dated (and married) partners who weren't Christians at the time who then went on to give their heart to God and now they love Jesus together. But that's the EXCEPTION. The rule is, if you're a Christian chase someone who is chasing Him. Much love sweet girl.
