WHEN GOD SAYS NO

Have you ever wanted something so badly, or prayed for something for a really long time and it just felt like God said no? I know I have! Probably more times than I can count.

AS AN 18-YEAR-OLD, I REMEMBER HAVING THIS HUGE CRUSH. HE WAS A YOUTH PASTOR AT THE TIME, CHARISMATIC, GOOD LOOKING, SMART, AND FUNNY.

Literally, all the things I thought I wanted in a future husband. We didn’t live in the same city but stayed in touch a little bit online. Ironically, I think I liked the persona I had created in my head more than the person he actually was. I would pray about him, think about him, and even wrote his name in some letters to my “future husband.” Yeah, weird I know.

Point is, I was sold. Hook, line, and sinker. I thought this man was my future beau for sure. He ticked all the make-believe boxes in my head and my emotions went into overdrive every time I was around him. (Which was like 3 times, because like I mentioned, we didn’t even live in the same city).

But, one day as I was praying, I felt the Holy Spirit cut across my thoughts and gently whisper. “He’s not the one for you, Sabrina.” I was a little taken aback. “Are you kidding, but he ticks all the boxes and I’ve been praying about him for months?” I thought to myself. “Why are you only telling me this now, God?” I blurted out. “Well, I’ve been trying to tell you for a while now, but every time I say no, you just shut it down.

“YOU KEEP PRAYING, BUT YOU’RE ONLY LISTENING FOR THE ANSWER YOU WANT.”

Ooof. That was a kick to the guts, but I knew it was true. I’m not a big crier, but I literally remember sobbing uncontrollably in my little Toyota echo. I felt like a fantasy I had held onto for so long was being torn to shreds.

I was gutted. Why would God say no? And why didn’t He tell me earlier?

Side note* I never actually told this person I liked them. We never talked about our feelings, and I never once mentioned to him that I was interested. Regardless, I was still upset. At some level my mind and emotions were deeply invested.

Obviously, in retrospect, I can see that God was trying to guide me the whole time, but I actually wasn’t listening.

THROUGH THIS SOMEWHAT INSIGNIFICANT SITUATION, I LEARNT THAT GOD DOESN’T ALWAYS SAY YES. LIKE ANY CARING PARENT, HE OFTEN SAYS NO.

He often stops me from jumping into situations that aren’t part of my story. He teaches me patience and perseverance in the middle of the confusion. He stretches my faith as I learn to trust Him, instead of control Him. And look, I know this is a bit of a silly story, and some of the prayers you’ve been praying have far more weight and meaning.

BUT MY SINCERE HOPE IS TO SIMPLY REMIND YOU THAT HE IS GOD, AND HIS PERSPECTIVE IS OFTEN SO MUCH BIGGER THAN OURS.

He sees beyond our immediate desires and is weaving together the beautiful tapestry of our lives. The Bible tells us that He is the Alpha and the Omega and everything in between. So, don’t lose heart. Don’t throw in the towel halfway through. Ask God what He wants to teach you through this tough situation.

Here are 3 lessons that I’ve learnt over the years when I felt like God was saying no.

TRUST THAT HE KNOWS BETTER

JUST BECAUSE IT WASN’T YOUR PLAN, DOESN’T MEAN IT ISN’T GOD’S.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-10

His point of view is one that stretches between galaxies and His plans don’t often unfold the way we want them to. The truth is sometimes a detour is actually His divine direction. Sometime a closed door is for our benefit not detriment. Sometimes what we want and what we need are two different things.

God knew this guy wasn’t right for me, and that my “future husband” was actually right in front of my face the whole time. Cue Ben Peters, a man of integrity, intelligence, authority, and passion. He knew that my Beni was the perfect fit for me, and the union of our lives wouldn’t just be about us, but for the greater good of humanity and His Kingdom.

Sadly, the young man I had a thing for ended up getting married and divorced within the space of two years. These days he’s no longer in ministry and I’m not even sure if he’s walking with the Lord. I honestly hope so.

Proverbs 3:5 - 6 puts it like this, “Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on Him to guide you, and He will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with Him in whatever you do, and He will lead you wherever you go.”

2. REMEMBER HE’S STILL WORKING

Psalm 145:13 (TPT) tells us, “You are faithful to fulfil every promise you’ve made. You manifest yourself as kindness in all you do.”

So often we can feel like the promise is a million miles away, but little do we know that God is actually working it out. God is actually pulling things together. I’ve shared this story before, but its truth still resonates. Our daughter Liberty had been asking for a cat for quite some time. On several occasions she would slip something like this into her prayers, “Thank you God that you are giving me a cat. I’d like one that is fluffy….and orange….but if you can’t do orange, then black is ok”. This went on for literally years. Her persistence eventually paid off.

One night Ben and I just looked at each other and laughingly said, “So, when are we getting this cat?” (I didn’t want my child doubting the power of prayer, especially when so often we’re invited to be a part of the solution). I sat up in the bed, pulled out my laptop, went straight to Google and started typing. “Best places to buy a cat in Perth. Best breeds for kids. Things I need to know as a new cat owner etc.”

Halfway through my frantic search of a cute (and relatively affordable cat) I felt God gently whisper something to me, “Sabrina, what do you think I do every time I make you a promise? I start working on it. I start orchestrating the details. You may not be able to see it, but in exactly the same way you’re pulling things together for your daughter, I’m doing even more on your behalf.”

The echoing lines of a popular worship song reverberated in my mind: "Even when I can't see it, you're working. Even when I can't feel it, you're working. You never stop. You never stop working."

As our little Libby slept peacefully in the next room, oblivious to the impending fulfillment of her desires, I couldn't help but marvel at the depth of trust we can have in God.

2 Corinthians 1:20 (NIV) reassures us, "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ. And so through him, the 'Amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God."

3. PERSIST IN PRAYER

Sometimes, "not now" doesn’t mean "not ever." God's delay is not necessarily His denial; it may signify a matter of timing or an opportunity for growth through persistence.

SOME MIRACLES UNFOLD OVER TIME, WHILE OTHERS OCCUR IN AN INSTANT.

The story recounted in Mark 8:22 serves as encouragement: "They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man's eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, 'Do you see anything?' He looked up and said, 'I see people; they look like trees walking around.' Once more Jesus put his hands on the man's eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly."

Even Jesus had to pray again! Perhaps you need to pray again, to believe again, or simply to stay the course without giving up. Alternatively, you may need to surrender your desired outcome fully to Jesus and seek His guidance on what is best for you. Ask Him to reveal His purpose amidst the tension. It is often in moments of confusion and disappointment that we experience the fullness of God's sovereignty and goodness. Regardless of your emotions, the best course of action is to turn towards God, not away.

FRIEND, I MAY NOT KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, BUT GOD DOES.

Continue listening for His voice, trusting that He knows best, and maintaining faith in breakthrough. The story is far from over, so do not give up halfway through the book. God is still at work.