Good communication plays a pivotal role in nurturing healthy relationships, fostering trust, and mutual respect. Drawing from evidence-based therapeutic practices and my experience as a couples counsellor, here are 10 keys to enhance communication.

1.use "I" Statements

Employing "I" statements fosters personal accountability and minimises defensiveness. When discussing concerns, frame them in terms of your own feelings and experiences rather than placing blame. For example, instead of saying "You always forget to take out the trash," try "I feel frustrated when the trash isn't taken out on schedule because it creates clutter in the house."

In a secure relationship, you don’t avoid hard topics or difficult conversations. But WHEN and HOW you say it makes all the difference. (Admittedly, something I’m still very much working on!)

2. choose THE RIGHT TIME

In a secure relationship, you don’t avoid hard topics or difficult conversations. But WHEN and HOW you say it makes all the difference. (Admittedly, something I’m still very much working on!)

Read the room - Timing is everything! Consider what state your spouse is in and choose your timing wisely. Is your wife running on empty after a long day with sick kids? Is your husband stressed out after a from difficult day at work? Picking the right moment helps breed effective communication instead of sparking a downhill spiral.

3. watch your tone

Tone sets the mood - Words are just the tip of the communication iceberg! Science tells us that tone and body language actually make up to 93% of what we’re saying. Soften your speech and fix your face if you want to get your message through.

4. Listen actively

Active listening, a cornerstone of effective communication, forms the bedrock of understanding and empathy in any relationship, especially within the intimate confines of marriage. It transcends the mere act of hearing words, extending into a profound engagement with your partner's thoughts, emotions, and unspoken nuances.

At its core, active listening demands the intentional dedication of your complete attention to your partner. It requires a deliberate effort to silence the distractions clamoring for your focus, allowing you to be fully present in the moment with your spouse. By offering this undivided attention, you create a space where your partner feels valued, respected, and truly heard.

5. BE ASSERTIVE, NOT AGGRESSIVE

Learning to say "no" assertively protects personal boundaries and fosters respect within relationships. Clearly stating your limits without ambiguity reduces the likelihood of coercion or manipulation. If someone asks you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, assertively decline while expressing your reasons.

6. CollaboratE

Collaborative language promotes mutual problem-solving and reduces adversarial dynamics. Phrases such as "Let's work together to find a solution" create an atmosphere of teamwork where both parties feel valued and respected. For instance, if discussing household chores, you might say, "Can we brainstorm together to come up with a cleaning schedule that works for both of us?"

6. EMPLOY EMPATHY

Demonstrating empathy through inquiries validates the other person's emotions and promotes understanding. Asking questions like "How do you feel about this situation?" or "What are your thoughts on the matter?" encourages open dialogue and demonstrates a genuine interest in the other person's perspective. For example, if discussing a disagreement, you could say, "I'd like to understand your perspective better. How did that situation make you feel?"

8. ClariFY and SPECIFy

Clear and specific communication minimises ambiguity and promotes effective problem-solving. Instead of vague complaints, offer precise feedback and suggestions for improvement. For instance, if discussing communication patterns, you might say, "I noticed that we tend to interrupt each other during conversations. Can we try to give each other space to speak uninterrupted?"

9. Avoid Defensive Reactions

Avoiding defensive reactions in marriage is vital for fostering open communication and maintaining trust. When discussing sensitive topics, it's common to feel defensive, but reacting defensively can escalate conflicts. Instead, practice self-awareness and emotional regulation, listening actively to your partner's perspective without judgment. Validate their feelings, even if you disagree, and seek to understand their viewpoint through open-ended questions. By approaching conversations with empathy and curiosity rather than defensiveness, you create a safe space for honest communication and strengthen the bond of trust in your relationship.

10. REFLECT

Silence can be a powerful tool for reflection and processing during communication. Employing silence appropriately allows for thoughtful consideration of responses and can de-escalate tense situations. If you find yourself in a heated argument, taking a moment of silence to collect your thoughts can prevent impulsive reactions and promote more constructive dialogue.