CONFESSIONS OF A GIRL WHO HATED HERSELF
You’ve probably heard the saying ‘from little things big things grows’. Well, allow me now to propose to you the saying ‘from little thoughts brokenness grows’. If there is something self-hatred has taught me it’s this; to not despise the small and seemingly insignificant thoughts.
A glimpse into my early teenage years would reveal the life of a little girl slowly drowning in a sea of self-torment. Her mind grew so cold it became impenetrable to words of love, affirmations and encouragement. These words in fact presented like a virus set out to wound, not heal, and so her mind rejected it almost as soon as it ingested it.
Her perception coloured her reality.
She saw no value in dressing well, for there seemed to be no beauty to embellish.
She saw no value in speaking out, for there seemed to be nothing of worth to express.
She saw no value in ever trying for what could insignificance ever achieve.
She simple saw no value in herself.
And at night, the very words that would malnourish her soul would tuck her into bed, whispering, ‘you’re not enough, you never have and never will be anything, you’re simply unlovable’.
Here’s what I’ve come to understand, some of life’s most brutal battles are invisible to the eye of man, but tangible to the eye of the soul.
In fact, battles fought internally can sometimes maintain the posture of sanity on the outside whilst disintegrating your very soul on the inside. And that in a nutshell highlights the power of the mind. If your body were a powerful empire, your mind would be the enemy’s main objective. You see the purpose of a military is to disable their enemy’s ability to fight and if the mind is the command post of the body, destruction to the mind is destruction to the body. Yet, what I failed to understand in my early teenage years is that humanity does have an enemy, and his tactics don’t deviate far from that of a regular enemy.
The extent to which an enemy will go to dismantle an entire empire reveals the extent to which he perceives worth within that territory. May I suggest to you that there is such intrinsic worth within you that an enemy would dedicate his existence to attempting to blind you from that revelation. I was fifteen when I perceived this truth for myself. It came to me as a gentle whisper, yet charged with authority as it broke through the chaos in my mind and revealed to me this;
‘you give authority to the thoughts you choose to glorify’.
2 Corinthians 10:3 -5 puts it like this, “For although we live in the natural realm, we don’t wage a military campaign employing human weapons, using manipulation to achieve our aims. Instead, our spiritual weapons are energised with divine power to effectively dismantle the defences behind which people hide.We can demolish every deceptive fantasy[b] that opposes God and break through every arrogant attitude that is raised up in defiance of the true knowledge of God. We capture, like prisoners of war, every thought and insist that it bow in obedience to the Anointed One.
The enemy hates you so much that he transfers his hate for you, to you. By whispering countless lies in your ear, he tries to convince you that they’re your thoughts, not his. Because if he can inspire you to self-destruct, there’s not much work he has to do after that. His key always been subtlety.
To a woman named Eve, he simply caused her to question God’s love and intention.
To a man named Moses, he simply made him believe his stutter disqualified him from God’s call.
To a man named Gideon, he made him believe he was certainly inferior based on his stature and background.
The bible actually describes the enemy as the ‘father of lies’. In fact, it states that ‘absolutely no truth is found in him’.
If every word he speaks is rooted in deception, you as the GATEKEEPER of your mind don’t have to agree with it.
In fact, you can actually rebuke the lies and prevent the seeds from taking root and bearing fruit by simply agreeing with the truth.
Recently the Holy Spirit broke through another self-debasing thought and whispered to me these words, ‘When will you finally begin to agree with me’? It’s one thing to dispose of a lie but it’s another thing to replace that lie with the truth.
Here are 5 verses to declare over your life and displace the lies!
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
“We have become his poetry, a re-created people that will fulfil the destiny he has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One. Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfil it!” Ephesians 2:10
“Let your true beauty come from your inner personality, not a focus on the external. For lasting beauty comes from a gentle and peaceful spirit, which is precious in God’s sight and is much more important than the outward adornment of elaborate hair, jewellery, and fine clothes.” 1 Peter 3:3-5The Passion Translation
“Charm can be misleading, and beauty is vain and so quickly fades, but this virtuous woman lives in the wonder, awe, and fear of the Lord. She will be praised throughout eternity. So go ahead and give her the credit that is due, for she has become a radiant woman, and all her loving works of righteousness deserve to be admired at the gateways of every city!” Proverbs 31:30-31
Guest Post: Laëtitia Marie
Laëtitia Marie
Laëtitia Marie is 22 year old biomedical student from Perth WA. She lives a life passionate about exemplifying and communicating the love of Jesus in all arenas of life through unique, intriguing and thought provoking ways.
